I could make wine with my vomit
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
