And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.