I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.