I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
