Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
