Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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