The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
