1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
