I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
