so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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