i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
