My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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