a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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