i just had sex bonerless
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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