Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
