walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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