i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
