Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
