we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
