you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
