i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
