I wish I only lived at night.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
