What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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