If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
