They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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