Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
