Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
