my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
