I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
