I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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