Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
