Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
