it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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