dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize