My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
