But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
