TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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