Ambien. No doubt about it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
