why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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