You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
