i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
