Kiss
Puke
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
