Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
