So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
