i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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