What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
