and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
