Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
