I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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