If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
