Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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