Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
