I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
