i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
