I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
