Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
