My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She even gives head with a lisp.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
