ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
