She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize