you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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