The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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