Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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