is wine microwaveable?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
