Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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