I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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