ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
