Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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