As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
