Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
