yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
