It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
