i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
