fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
