This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize