ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
