I molested 6 butterflies tonight
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
