How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
