just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
