Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
