you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
