i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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